Thinking about college and what I want to do with my life is a lot of stress. Sometimes I just want to go to a small college, double major in art and animation, and then move to Portland and have a my dream job at Laika Studios. I’d have a nice little apartment and a dog and just live life doing what I love. Too bad I can’t do that.
What I care most about in the world, though, is children. I care about making sure that children are safe and happy, and that all children have equal opportunities through equal education. I want kids to have schools that are safe and comfortable places. I care about there being up-to-date curricula and testing that are meant to help kids succeed. I care that schools are adequately funded so that kids can get a good education regardless of their family’s income. I care that schools are places where students are respected and respect each other. And most importantly, I care that students come out of schools well-educated and able to access all different things. I want the sky to be the limit.
Too often, though, public schools crumble because funding only goes to the schools in rich neighborhoods. Girls don’t feel safe or welcome in their own schools because of rampant sexism and sexual harassment. Kids experience constant institutionalized racism and the school to prison pipeline is going strong. All these things are so important to me to change and it seems like so much to do and I’m really just a kid. I know when I go into the world I’m going to be the girl that no one takes seriously, the black girl that is too angry about nothing, and the girl who’s always trying to make something out of nothing. And all of that seems really scary.
It seems scary for there to be so much to fix in the world and at times it seems like there’s no chance of ever just being happy. Because there are always going to be people who are treated unjustly and not given the same respect, rights, and opportunities as their more privileged peers. And as long as that’s happening, it seems so irresponsible of me to run off to Laika.
This blog post is kind of all over the place because I’m not sure what my point really is. How can you spend your life helping other people but also making sure that you can do the things that make you happy? I never feel more alive than when I’m talking about or working on injustice in schools or working with kids and yet I’m also not too great at handling the stress that comes with that either. Once could even argue that I don’t really have the right to be stressed because I’m not the one in the worst position. I disagree with that personally. Someone else always has it worse than you but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel what you feel. It’d be a job that’s endlessly frustrating but also so important. But art makes me happy. So do I put my happiness on hold to follow my passion? Or do I ignore my passion in attempt to be happy?
Honestly those questions are dumb, though, because I can always do both.
I really connected to this post in many ways, especially on the confusion associated with deciding what I'm going to do with my life. Trying to balance your passion and desires with what you feel like your duty is, or expectations and everything else... I hope you figure things out!
ReplyDeleteDang, I feel you. balancing your life out between passion and happiness is really hard to do. If you just stuck with one of them life wouldn't feel complete. I wish that we could all have the best of both worlds but in the world we live in that's probably not going to happen. Anyway hope you figure it out!
ReplyDeleteOk this hit me really hard because I feel the same way. I would love to be a writer for a TV show or an actor or a comedian or something like that but at the same time I feel so concerned about the environment, both social and scientific, that I feel selfish for wanting to do something creative rather than doing something constructive. When I think about climate change I want to cry and then I think I should really pursue that and make a difference and then I realize that's why I was crying in the first place, and I would just feel crappy all the time. Or maybe I would feel great for making a difference. But I love writing with other people!!! I think you captured those feelings really well and this post was articulated really well. I especially love your conclusion, that you can do both of those things, because I seriously had not considered that. I hope you are happy and passionate whatever you end up doing!!
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely a tough decision you have to make, but as you said in the end, it's not a cut-and-dried issue. Who knows, maybe in college you will realize your passions are somewhere else, or you would really love to join the peace corps, etc. The future is so murky that it's hard to see how your life will turn out. However, for now it's still good to think about your priorities, and I liked this post because you explored some hard questions. Even if you didn't find answers just yet, you probably will eventually.
ReplyDeleteI love your last sentence. Given what you say about your passions, Maya, I can't imagine you being truly happy without fighting for justice. And I can't think of a better way to fight for justice than to invest your time and energy into making public schools better, fairer, and more equitable. That's a big job, because so many forces are working against good, equal public schools for all American kids. But we need that more than ever. I wish you luck and success in finding ways to make a difference in working for better schools for all kids. And I wish you luck in finding the best ways that work for you to take care of yourself, so that you can stay healthy and happy at the same time.
ReplyDelete(Also, whenever anyone makes you feel like you're "the black girl that is too angry about nothing," take a deep breath and keep going. That mostly likely means that you're making someone uncomfortable about some aspect of their own privilege they'd rather not think about––their problem, not yours.)